Heard on the street: “My scrotum looks like a sad old Bloodhound.”

“We’re not a bunch of partisan hacks,” Associate Justice Amy Coney Barrett said. In remarks at the McConnell Center. Named for Sen. Mitch McConnell. The Republican Senate leader. Who pushed her nomination through. And who’s sitting behind her. At the McConnell Center. Celebrating the McConnell Center. Named for the partisan hack who pushed her nomination through.

Everyone wants to get rid of the White man these days. Deny us our privilege, send us back home to Transylvania, blame us for Tru– OK, well maybe they’ve got a point on some of this.

But be careful what you wish for. Without the White Devil, who’s gonna commit all the white-collar crime? Who’s gonna overdose on opioids? Who’s gonna live in Missouri? You wanna live in Missouri?

That’s what I thought.

If a micropenis hooks up with a capacious cooter, does anyone feel anything?

Using the term “21st Century” in a business name is dumb. They’re just gonna have to change their signage in 78-and-a-half years.

https://tenor.com/view/obviously-duh-gif-12704288

Just once, I’d like to have a dream where I’m prepared for the final and get there on time instead of showing up an hour late with no feet.

Looking for a setup to go with the punchline, “23 and Me, Too.” Any ideas out there?

Just once, I’d like to call the Suicide Hotline for help on gaslighting an ex into hanging herself.

Just once, I’d like to stiff-arm a dope riding a scooter on the sidewalk. Without being exposed as a hypocrite.

Just once, I’d like to hear my dog say, “Yeah, I get it, I get it: I’m a big boy. You say it 37 times a day. It’s enough already. You see my dirty sock anywhere? With the tennis ball in it?”