Using the term “21st Century” in a business name is dumb. They’re just gonna have to change their signage in 78-and-a-half years.

https://tenor.com/view/obviously-duh-gif-12704288

Just once, I’d like to have a dream where I’m prepared for the final and get there on time instead of showing up an hour late with no feet.

Looking for a setup to go with the punchline, “23 and Me, Too.” Any ideas out there?

Just once, I’d like to call the Suicide Hotline for help on gaslighting an ex into hanging herself.

Just once, I’d like to stiff-arm a dope riding a scooter on the sidewalk. Without being exposed as a hypocrite.

Just once, I’d like to hear my dog say, “Yeah, I get it, I get it: I’m a big boy. You say it 37 times a day. It’s enough already. You see my dirty sock anywhere? With the tennis ball in it?”

Just once, I’d like to ram a car driving too slowly in the left lane.

Covid’s timing is completely off. Where were all these superspreaders when I was in college?

When this is all over, I’m gonna miss stories about Covid deniers dying of Covid. Sigh.

Sure, it’s a calamity for U.S. credibility and a nightmare for Afghan civilians caught in the crossfire. But dollars to doughnuts, we’ll be getting a slew of new Afgahn restaurants here. Happens after every war. Except maybe Grenada.